Sourced Based Essay draft

Sydney Ogude
Kelly Mcintosh
Composition of Individual & Society 10108
25 September 2020
Black lives in America
The oppression of black lives and the recent killing of black people is nothing new to our country. As a person of color I know I have a target on my back not because of the person I am but because of the color of my skin, The fight for black lives has been going on for many decades and we find ourselves continuing the same fight today. <<Run on sentence Racism has tainted the core of America and has exposed the true nature of the United states. Many of our parents came to the United states in hope of a better life and to attain the “American dream” but they walked in a system that was meant to tear them down and oppress them. Minorities specifically the blacks have been subject to modern day slavery. Recent executions of the black lives and injustice for the deceased has been televised and has been seen all throughout the world, it has generated an uproar of rage and has really opened the world’s eyes to the injustice that has plagued our communities for so many years. Police brutality has been the source of all the pain and heartache that families go through because A man with a badge thought they had the right to determine whether or not a person deserved to live or not. The same people that swore to protect us are our greatest enemies. Police brutality has been exposed to our kids and we find ourselves teaching little kids how to carry themselves around police because they also have a target on their back. When we say “Black live matter” we push to fix the racially targeted system that we live in, we push to fight for justice for our community and we push to fight to live another day. <<Good intro

Social Media post
Police officers have always felt they were above the law and are immune to any punishments. <<Your topic sentence here should be about the social media post Police are rarely charged with misconduct and if anything are placed on paid leave. Whenever a black person loses their lives due to police negligence it takes an uproar from the black community until they are even charged and later they still get to keep their job. This is the system that we live today in and it has to stop. I always am a strong believer that change starts with the youth and it's in our hands to do something about this whether its protesting or using social media platforms to bring awareness to the issue. While researching I came upon a post of twitter it was a video of police officers who were stopping black people for no reason. Each was told that they were a suspect in a robbery but the thing is that there was no robbery reported in that area. This really shows the power that a police badge gives an individual and it showcases racial profiling at its finest. In the video the author mentions that not one white person was arrested while the cops were questioning the black people. The video really depicts what black people have to endure on a daily basis because of the color of their skin. The audience that the author<<Who? is trying to reach is everyone because he wants to spread awareness of police brutality and racial profiling. <<Evidence? The authors true purpose is to ultimately shed more light on how corrupt and unfair the law enforcement is and also to inform everyone on what’s happening to black people everyday. The stance that the author is taking is a support for black lives. In the video the author urges law enforcement to do better as a whole because this is unacceptable. In the video police can be seen searching their cars and badgering them with questions. Everyone was released because none of them were in any robbery. It also goes to show police want to tarnish black communities images by constantly stopping us because they are suspicious of us . <<Your focus here needs to be more on analysis of the rhetorical situation rather than the content of the video

We can all say the year 2020 was probably the worst year for many people. 2020 would also be the year that the black lives movement would make nationwide uproar, all that was initiated with the unfortunate killing of George floyd on may 25. I remember watching the news and seeing the video of his death by the hands of law enforcement. <<Again, get into discussing the article right away As odd as this may sound I wasn’t surprised that another unarmed black man's life was taken away. It wasn't anything that we haven't seen before. The thing that didn’t sit right with me was the manner in which he was killed and treated after he was killed. The officer placed his knee on his neck for 8 minutes and 46 seconds. It really opened my eyes to the hatred that came with being black. In the video you can hear him saying he can’t breathe but the officer kept his knee on his neck until he took his last breath. I was irate at the whole situation, The officer wasn’t there to arrest him he wanted to kill him and he felt no remorse after. His death would ignite a fire in black communities and all communities to stand against police brutality and racial injustice. In the newspaper it talks about the death of George floyd and all the things that led to his untimely death. Evan hill mentions that “Our video investigation shows that Mr. Chauvin did not remove his knee even after Mr. Floyd lost consciousness and for a full minute and 20 seconds after paramedics arrived at the scene.” This goes to show how the officers viewed George Floyd, even after they executed him in broad daylight they continued to put their weight on his lifeless body. This also showcases the hate that was oozing through s body because it takes hate to be able to kill an unarmed man who was handcuffed on the floor. The purpose of this newspaper is to inform the public of the death of George Floyd and also to shed light on police brutality. The audience is anyone that reads the newspaper. The stance of this newspaper is a stand against police and law enforcement overall. <<All of these claims need evidence. That should be your focus

Excessive force from law enforcement is what has led to a lot of avoidable death or shootings. Police can shoot whoever they deem as a threat and face no consequences when they take a life that could have been saved if they took a different approach to the situation. The source that I will be using is a magazine called the cut. The magazine talks about the shooting of 29 year old jacob Blake in wisconsin. What happened to Jacob Blake was the result of excessive force by the police. In the magazine it says “A Wisconsin police officer fired more than half a dozen shots at point-blank range at a Black man as he was trying to enter a car where his three young sons were waiting.”. This shows how ruthless and careless the officers were. They didn’t care about Jacob's Blake life or the well being of his children. There is no reason why an unarmed man should be shot 7 times point blank range. Jacob’s Blake was no threat to the officer but due to the color of his skin he needed to be dealt with. It's sad that his kids had to witness such violence at a young age and not only that but to watch it happen to their father. Jacob blake could have easily lost his life if
The bullets hit a vital organ. Police are playing god deciding who gets to life or not and it has to come to an end. The audience was anyone that read the magazine. The purpose was to spread awareness and call for change in the police department. <<Same issue with focus here
Jacob Blake and his children <<Moving photo, but this doesn’t fit the assignment

Scholarly article
Black people have been placed at a disadvantage because of the color of their skin for generations. Modern day society has placed barriers on black people that limit them and stop them from growing financially. The system is meant to keep minorities oppressed and make the white man more powerful. In the scholarly article it states “Although rates of police killings are highest in neighborhoods with the greatest concentration of low-income residents and residents of color, Black people were recently found to be at greatest risk in predominantly White neighborhoods” This shows that black people are targeted by police in low income neighborhoods and in white neighborhoods. People of color are placed in low income places just to be oppressed by systematic racism regardless of the area that they live in. The disparity between treatment of blacks and white is at the core of the issue and it’s something that has to be fixed. The article also states “During the same time period, police-related fatalities killed more Black men in their 20s than diabetes, flu/pneumonia, chronic respiratory disease, or cerebrovascular disease” This shows the massacre of blacks happening in our everyday life. I find it astonishing how police are getting away with killings of black people on such a large scale but when police have the power they do in the society that we live anything is possible. The purpose of this scholarly is to show the disparity between whites and black on a general basis from housing to the treatment of them by law enforcements. The audience of this article is to the young kids that don’t know what’s going on and for everyone interested in trying to make a change. The stance that the author is taking is a stop to the mistreatment of blacks.
These 4 sources that I used all had a similar message they were trying to get out. They highlighted the discrimination of the colored people and the systematic racism and police violence towards them. They are different in terms of the different injustices that they are trying to bring attention to. <<Surface level synthesis

Sydney, your sources and choice of topic are great. While you make an attempt to cover the rhetorical situations of your pieces, this essay still reads like a standard research paper. Your focus needs to be on the author, audience, and purpose rather than on the content of the articles.
o Claim Evidence Structure 10/25- makes claims about the rhetorical situation but offers no evidence
o Inclusion of all Rhetorical Concepts 25/25- done
o Analysis of Four Sources 10/25- focus misplaced
o Synthesis 5/20- very short and shallow
o Mechanics and grammar 5/5
Total: 55 F

Work cited
Arnold, Amanda. “Wisconsin Police Shot a Black Man Multiple Times in the Back.” The Cut, The Cut, 6 Sept. 2020,
Hill, Evan, et al. “How George Floyd Was Killed in Police Custody.” The New York Times, The New York Times, 1 June 2020,

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